A brand of feminism a mother can be proud of.

There are certain things that people refrain from telling you before you begin your college experience. They tell you that it's difficult, that college is nothing like high school, that your professors don't care whether you pass or fail, that you'll never have time to socialize, that you'll probably get married before you finish your degree (somehow it works out if you don't socialize). All sorts of things. Weird things (most of which are lies).

But you know, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And they never tell you about that part. They don't tell you that the scariest part about college is deciding what you'll do once it is over.

 When I decided to come to Brigham Young University, people would nudge me withe their sharp elbows and wink, "Off to get your M-R-S degree eh?" And though I didn't come to BYU with marriage as my goal, I did bring the idea along as sort of a concealed weapon, an quick escape to never having to put my degree to use. I thought that I probably would go the young marriage and honeymoon baby route. After all, my senior class did prophesy that all I would amount to in my life would be to become the "ultimate soccer mom".

And so I've packed around that idea for years, that just because it was "prophesied" and because I was a young Mormon girl and because I had the sisters that I have, I needed to marry and marry as soon as was possible. But I wouldn't have been a good wife. Not at 19 nor at 22.

Now you may read what I wrote above and think that I'm sad or that I've gone off the deep end and filled my head with feminist literature and now don't believe in marriage, but neither is true.

As a wise wizard once said, "It is our choices . . . that show us who we truly are, far more than our abilities."

I have the ability to be a wife. I am over the age of 18 (therefore legal), I am a female (anatomical fact), I am semi-attractive, and semi-normal. To be a wife, the last two aren't even a requirement, simply an added bonus. There you have it. I have the ability to be a wife. (Whether I would be a good one or not is irrelevant at this time).

However, I have not chosen to be a wife or a mother. Not just yet. My education has been too important; my mental, emotional, and spiritual growth has been too important. I resent the idea of falling in love. To me, love is a choice. I want it to be my choice. I hate the idea of marriage being a matter of convenient timing or something that "just happened." More often than not, I view men as an obstacle on my path to the person I want to be and the things I want to accomplish. And if marriage ever becomes a question for me, it will be the greatest obstacle of all. It will be the greatest inconvenience of all, but if its right for me, I will choose it over my education and over my career. And then I won't be just a wife, but a grand culmination of all the things I've striven to be over the past four years. 

But until then, I am one of the few, the proud, who left BYU without a wedding band.

-KB