Life Stories

Does anyone ever have times when they just need to write? Does anyone else crave that outlet to just be able to express themselves and be completely honest about everything no matter who saw it? I wish I could do that sometimes. Most times.

I've been thinking lately about stories. Not fairy tale stories or funny stories or any other made up kind of thing, but real stories. Life stories. It struck me as so interesting that no matter how much research one puts into a particular person, one will never know their story. One will never completely understand their feelings, frustrations, reasons for particular decisions. Even if that person explained their life to you as best they could it will never be the whole story. Some days I wish I could. I wish I could see into people's minds and explore what is there. What has happened to them in their past, what they hope for, what they dream of, what troubles them. Wouldn't that be interesting?

Then I thought to myself, "Who will know my story?" Even in part will anyone know? What will I be remembered for? If I were to die tomorrow--I'm not trying to be all mopey, I'm just thinking--what would people say about me? I don't want any "Poor Jud is Dead" type of thing where people just blab on and on about my fingernails never being so clean. I would want them to be able to tell the truth. What little of it they knew. I would want people to say that Kelly was impatient, often too blunt and rash, had very little tact, laughed too loud, was too self-conscious, day dreamed too much, organized excessively, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. They could maybe say some good things too. Perhaps that I really did want to be a good person despite all my many flaws, and I did my best, although I often fell short.

I guess the reason I've been thinking about this so much is because of the past year and the future that is ahead of me. I had a fantastic, beautiful, painful year, and I would never trade it for the world (very cliche I know). It has come to make all the difference. I'm often scared that I won't be able to do those things which I dream of everyday: get my degree, go to London, write a book, become a wife and mother. But I don't really know what to do about that. Live day by day, do my best, and find joy in everyday. And perhaps someday, someone will ask me about my story, and it will be the most fantastic thing they have every heard.