2014: Gratitude

I began 2014 in the same exact place as I began 2013. Cozied up in the crook of my parent's blue couch, I anticipated the end of an old year and the ushering in of a new.

I was eager about 2013 and quickly jotted down some worthy goals for the year on a 3x5 notecard (as I do every year) as the clock (metaphorically) struck midnight. For 2013 I had some plans, but in reality I had no idea where I was going or where I wanted to go. As it turns out, 2013 was one of the most confusing and bitterly realistic years of my life. Amazing things did happen in 2013. I went to the United Kingdom. I was accepted to both my graduate programs (and then had to choose between them). I was offered a graduate teaching assistantship where I realized how much I truly do love teaching. All sorts of wonderful things. But I also went through some distressing times. For the first few months of 2013, I didn't exactly have a job and I probably spent more time in my pajamas than otherwise. I felt dissipated, sloppy, useless. Then I had to officially say goodbye to good ol' Brigham Young University and all the amazing people (and professors) I came to know and love. I felt lost and alone. I began in a new place which should have been invigorating and restorative. But it hasn't been. Not really. It has been trying. It has been frustrating. It has been disappointing. So many compelling characteristics I thought I possessed seemed to give way to fear and a disgraceful "hermitage" which I greatly resent. Kelly Marie got lost in the shuffle.

There was no smash-bang ending to 2013, no fireworks nor heartfelt chorus of "Auld Lang Syne." 2013 gradually fell away and 2014 crept into its place. When the clock began to strike midnight this New Year's Eve, I had no 3x5 card immediately handy and even so I could not think of what I could have written as a list of acceptable solutions. I only new I needed a change. Not a change in surroundings or a change in clothes, but a change in me. 2014 is my year in transition. As we rang in the New Year in our own quiet fashion, those wonderful words from the finale of The Muppets Christmas Carol resounded in my ears:

"And every night will end

And every day will start

With a grateful prayer

And a thankful heart."

So far, I do not have any grand schemes for 2014, but I've got some ideas.

Listen more. Wear more skirts. Take it slow. Laugh more. Read more. Compliment more. Memorize more poetry. Make more phone calls. Go for more walks. Take more photos. Put down some roots. Write more. Pray more. Forgive and forget. Sing more. Dance more. Stretch more. Grow more. Shrink some. Buy less. Save more. Think and speak kind words (to yourself and others).Visit more. Be brave. Sit and stand straighter. Cook more. Express love. Love fully. Write more letters. Invest in things of quality. Take up drawing. Sew some. Or sew nothing at all. Wear hats. Play more. Practice consistency. Don't be a pushover. Stand up for yourself. Don't apologize for who you are or who you want to be. Laugh at your mistakes. Repent for your faults. Live your religion. Read more Shakespeare. Read more poetry in general. Think before you speak. Act before you think too much. Be devoted to family relationships and sustainable friendships. Say "thank you" more. And mean it. Really mean it. 

Wishing you the merriest of New Years, 

Kelly Marie