A Slice of Humble Pie

This week is dedicated to gratitude. I decided to be cliche and join the throngs of others posting things they are grateful for on their blogs and on facebook this week in honor of the Thanksgiving holiday. You are most welcome.

Today's "gratitude object" is something I never thought I would be grateful for, and I'm not even sure if I'm actually grateful for it yet. I turned in a paper for my British Literature class today, and my teacher schedules a meeting with us to go over our papers in person. Not a bad concept I think, but it is quite a horrifying position to be in. I have never had the opportunity to watch a paper of mine get graded and I cringed every time her purple pen smeared the margins of my hard work. I must admit that I did not start this paper when I should have, and I may have procrastinated a little, but I did do what I could, and I did work hard. I just may have gotten a little distracted some time during my week. What can I say, I am not perfect, and neither was my paper. However, I felt that it was a good, solid paper. To my dismay, my paper was ripped to shreds. There wasn't a paragraph that wasn't graffitied with that hideous purple ink. The small, smiling lady behind the desk gave me every possible reason to feel as if I was the worst writer in the world while still trying to point out one or two good points. I couldn't see anything but the negative. All I saw was purple ink.

I knew it wasn't a perfect paper, but I did think it was good, even so, I left her office on the verge of tears. I was on the verge of tears for the continuing five or six hours on campus. I started to question everything: What made me think I could write? What made me think I could be an English major? What made me think I could succeed at this university? What else in the world can I do? I felt minuscule and insignificant and just plain awful. I still feel that way. I don't love being an English major. Most days I completely hate it, but I don't feel as if there is anything else in this world that I could do.

However, I am grateful that today was a hard day. Some days need to be hard. Some days we need to cry. Some days we need to realize what a huge role God has in our lives. I came to this university without knowing why I was coming; I still don't know why I'm here, but I trust that my Heavenly Father has a plan for me. He knows why I'm here. He knows I have a lot of work to do. He knows that I may have to major in something I don't love because sometimes we have to choose what is smart rather than what is fun or easy. He knows the days when I need to be humbled. Today was that day. Today I was given the biggest helping of humble pie I have ever had to swallow, and I am still feeling a little sick to my stomach. I think I will appreciate the pie more when it has finally digested.

*In good news, there is an update on my Media Project tab!