Destroy the Relationship

Whenever you get a text late at night or early in the morning, in general, that text is pretty important. As a rule, text messages are not sent out during the times when the recipient may or may not be coherent unless they are very important. If that's not the case with you, apparently we're not friends with the same people. And perhaps you should look into getting new friends.

But I got an important text this morning. Well actually I got an important text last night, but the "texter" fell asleep before he could get to what he was trying to say, so he tried again this morning. The question he asked was one I never expected and I was appalled to hear such a thing coming from him--I didn't actually hear it because it was a text--as he is someone I highly esteem. "What is this question that was so appalling?" you may ask.

The conversation is as follows:

"Should I have a DTR with [name withheld]?"

DTR-n. an acronym for "determine the relationship," generally, a lengthy (usually several hours and/or days) discussion between two persons who feel a particular affection for one another to verify their relationship status

To which I replied, "Absolutely not." I thought that would suffice, but then I added, "You should never have one of those with anyone ever. Ever." I wanted my position on the matter to be quite clear.

"That's not what others say..."

I was sure I knew who it was that was giving him such awful advice and I wanted to point out that said persons are not in any kind of relationship with anyone, and their last relationships ended abruptly after unnecessary DTRs of their own. Luckily I dissuaded him of ever having a DTR with [name withheld] and hopefully with anyone else ever.

And this is why:

DTRs lead to nothing but miscommunication and confusion. And that is the way it always works. I have never met anyone who has had a beneficial DTR.

So I told my friend and he agreed. I reminded him that he likes her and that he knows she likes him, and that things were going fine. I then reminded him that he could just propose to her sometime soon and I'll find someone, somewhere, somehow...to propose to me and we'll have a double wedding in December.

It'll be great.