Tomatoes

Early-morning psychology is interesting to say the least. The class is packed with the leftover-summer-crazies.

leftover-summer-crazies n. 1. the persons who frequent the classrooms of junior colleges during the summer months, these persons tend to be eccentric in nature and personality

I spend most of the class wondering why what was just said was said at all. I think the teacher thinks I'm constantly confused about the subject, when in reality I'm just pondering on how one particular classroom can be the official melting pot of every variety of human being.

Some of my ponderings: Why does that woman wear white stretch pants and polka-dotted granny panties? Speaking of grannies, why does that 80 year old woman insist on wearing tank tops every day? Such a thing should not be done. Ever. And while we're on the topic of arms that should not be seen, did you know that if you get a tattoo when you're younger and then later gain a large amount of weight, that tattoo will grow with your ever-growing appendage. One size fits all. And speaking of tattoos, it is possible to have large tattoos on your neck (or small tattoos if you don't want to be too flashy). Such persons (with tattoos on their necks) might have once upon a time in their deep dark past been involved with drugs (the effects of which are evident). And if such persons divulge such information, it will in no doubt have the law-enforcers who are furthering their education peering across the classroom nonchalantly at the former drug abusers.

But surprisingly, despite the diversity of the classroom, there is really only one person that....well....How do I put this delicately....Chaps my hide. She's a front-row sitter with a thick Southern accent and on the first day, she announced to the class that she's a psychology major.

*I coughed to myself, "Brown-noser."*

In fact, everything she says is an announcement, and if there is anything to say, she'll be sure to announce it. No, she'll announce it whether there's anything to say or not. She even often repeats what our teacher just said. What is this? Dramatic emphasis?

Example from yesterday's class:

Mrs. G.: "An example is of how children in Russian orphanages have problems with communication. Because they aren't nurtured while they are young, they can have problems with language and communicating effectively with others."

Southern Chick: "That's right. When you don't nurture a child, how can you expect it to be able communicate with you? Russia is so full of problems. Those orphanages are just awful. The children are neglected and undernourished, and so they aren't able to communicate effectively."

Wait. I don't think I've got it yet. Could you repeat it one more time?

All her comments leave me wanting nothing more than to throw something at the back of her head--as I'm conveniently seated directly behind her. What I usually want to throw is tomatoes. Today I threw twenty-one imaginary tomatoes. Eventually, I ran out of tomatoes and resorted to wads of paper and finally my pencil. She didn't even notice.

I always feel bad though. Most of the class period I'm offering silent prayers that I won't want to throw tomatoes at her. Luckily, Heavenly Father is watching out for me and has never provided me with a box of real tomatoes.....As of yet.

To fully understand this personality, refer to this video: http://www.hulu.com/watch/11931/saturday-night-live-penelope--traffic-school