What to Avoid

During my past month (has it only been a month?) at Brigham Young University, I have discovered the key to finding a quality person. Well, at least, a quality guy.
Just abide by these rules:

1. Never go out with a guy who wears skinnier or tighter pants than you.

Also avoid those who wear tight v-neck shirts, cardigans, and brightly colored pants/shorts.

2. Stay away from men with mustaches.
Chances are if they have a mustache, they are bound to be sketchy.
Examples of sketchy people who have mustaches:

• Carnival workers
• Inmates
• Captain Hook
  

3. Guys who are only ever wearing basketball shorts (or sweats when it gets cold) and a t-shirt are lazy more often than not...Or on the basketball team...Ask them if they're on the basketball team, if not, don't date them.

4. If he looks like he doesn't have any money, it's probably true. But if he looks like he has money, he probably has less and spends his money frivolously. (He probably spent all his money on his wardrobe of skinny jeans).

5. If Miley Cyrus or Kelly Clarkson is his ringtone...you can't help him.

6. Don't go out with guys who wear their dance pants and shoes to the ward dance.

7. I would advise you to stay away from those who twirl ribbons on the lawn...or anywhere else for that matter.

8. If the ring he wears is the size of a normal human eye, he either:
a) Won a state championship and still can't get over it.
b) Is in the mafia.
c) Both a and b.

9. There is never a good excuse to wear socks with sandals.

10. And most importantly, never ever ever go out with a guy with a mullet or a mohawk. And definitely don't go out with a guy who has a mullet and a mohawk, aka the mullhawk.

Well, I'm off to class.
You can be sure I'll be on the lookout for a guy with a mustache, skinny jeans, dance shoes, and a Miley Cyrus ringtone.

Sweaty Betty and the Weekend of Papers

This post is kind of gross, so by all means, don't say I didn't warn you.

I haven't stopped sweating since I arrived in Utah.

To be frank, I wasn't expecting to sweat at all. In fact I was fairly confident that I would be living a sweat-free life as long as I was in Utah. Sweating is what we do in Arizona. I thought it was pretty exclusive. I guess I was just a little disillusioned because I really had no idea...

I am living my life in a constant state of dampness. I walk to school and the weather is perfect for a late September morning, a little bit chilly even, but I am guaranteed to arrive at class perspiring. I'm pretty sure that when I take off my backpack there is a perfect outline of where it was sitting. I'm always tempted to ask the people arround me if they can tell that I'm sweating on top of my shoulders, but that just might be a little less than socially acceptable. But just so we're clear, the walk to school isn't hard. I don't arrive at class out of breath, just sweaty. So if any of you are wondering why I'm not engaged yet, this is why. There's always an explanation for everything, but I have no idea why I'm sweating so much...

Along with the general, normal (but still gross) everyday sweat, this weekend will be accompanied by the "paper-writing" sweat. So if any of you were wondering, (because I knew you were) I will be spending this weekend in a tub of ice whilst I write my all so important papers.

Remind me again why I'm an English major?

Maybe that's why I sweat...

It's Better Than...

Yesterday, as I talked to my parents on the phone, and dried my tears with the back of my hand, and wiped my nose with some scattered leaves on the ground (to prevent having to use my hand of course) I came to the realization that things really aren't that bad.

Things are good.

Life is good.

Life is joy and I love it.

I may not have a job right now...

...but it's better than not having the challenge.

School may be demanding and unbelievably hard...

...but it's better than not having the opportunity to go to school at all.

I may be constantly tired and weary...

...but it's better than pulling a handcart across a continent.

Sometimes I may despair that my plans will never come to be...

...but it's better than not planning at all.

I may get sad thinking about my past...

...but it's better than not remembering.

Sometimes I may get lonely and miss my home and family...

...but it's better than having no family or home to miss.

Today I was reminded of why some things don't go according to the perfect designs we have for ourselves. We signed up for this. We joyfully decided for ourselves to come to this world to experience pain and trials. Some people say there is no God, that Jesus Christ was nothing but a man who taught good principles, and that we who believe are fools.

But I would rather live my life as best I can, hoping and believing that Jesus Christ suffered for my sins and that I can be with my family forever, than to have no hope at all.

"I don't know how to speak of heaven in the traditional, lovely, paradisical beauty that we speak of heaven...I wouldn't know how to speak of heaven without my wife , or my children. It would not be heaven for me." -Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Sometimes I may be criticized for believing the way I do...

...but it's better than having no faith and no hope at all.

The Smart Kids

BYU is where the smart kids go.

Everyone here is a smart kid, and whereas in high school or at EA, I was considered one of the smart kids, here I am probably on the bottom most rung of smart kids.

(If we look at the population of BYU set up in a hierarchical ladder-type situation.)

Please don't think I'm saying that I am dumb because I don't think that at all. I'm not saying I'm a genius either...We'll just say that my mental capacity and abilities are...good? In decent working order?

But at BYU, everything is a competition. Especially if you're an English major (such as myself). I think all the human beings in my British Literature class are geniuses, or they act like geniuses in a show-offy-look-how-much-I-know kind of way. And they have me pretty dang well convinced that they are in fact geniuses. Maybe. Or show-offs. Whatever. I'm impressed.

Today we were discussing the components of pastoral poetry and these kids were using words such as: idyllic, bucolic, anomaly, and other big words I had never even heard of. I kept turning to Lora--who just so happens to be in almost all of my classes. I have no idea how that happened. Okay I do, we planned it that way.--to ask her if she knew what these words meant. She would frantically shake her curly head in the negative.

We decided we better start carrying copies of the dictionary with us to class.

One Week Down

You've all been waiting on pins and needles for an update I know. Your week has been very nearly obsolete without my charming posts. Emphasis on charming. And witty. My posts are all so witty. So your wish has been granted: I am going to post today.

I have successfully completed my first week at Brigham Young University. It was only a complete success because my roommate Stephie reminded me at 8:30 pm that I needed to do my Doctrine and Covenants homework before midnight. The night before she had written me a sticky note so I wouldn't forget. But I did. I came home after a long day planning on doing everything but anything that had to do with schoolwork. Thankfully, Stephie had my best interests at heart. Certainly I would fail without her.

School is grand. Being here is...unbelievable. But along with being grand, school is hard. Really hard. Next to science, reading would probably be my worst subject. Unfortunately, that's all I ever do. Please don't misunderstand. I absolutely love to read. I love it, but I am a bad reader. I am really bad at it. I'm not illiterate, but reading is really hard. I am easily distracted. One word will make me think of five million other things, and before I know it, I'm finished with what I'm supposed to read and I couldn't tell you anything about what I just read, and I really don't have the time to read every over two or three times. So I'm working on that. Maybe being an English major is a bad idea, and I certainly feel like the dumb one in class compared to all the other English majors in my class. I'm working on it. I'll learn to focus.

On Thursday night we had a family "git togeether" at my cousin Ben's. Let me just say this: I have the greatest family. Surely my blog would be famous by now if I was as witty as them. I wish I could describe how great it was, but I'll just say that I laughed hard all night long. I don't think I'll mind spending eternity with such a great family.

Last night after going to the Provo temple and the quickest expedition to Walmart in all of history--except for when Risa and Lou completed a trip in a record five minutes--Ettie (Lynnette) had some friends over. They impressed us with magic tricks and Brian Regan impersonations. Brilliant. Then we played a few rousing rounds of B.S. and Pit. All good friendships are built on the foundation of card games. After they boys joined us in some peanut butter ice cream, they left and Ettie and I stayed up late to watch Ziegfeld Follies. We nearly wet ourselves when we watched this Red Skelton skit.

Today I'm going to read. I'm pretty sure the only thing I will read will be my homework. Maybe this time I'll understand Enlightenment era poetry. Maybe not. We'll see. And wonder or wonders, I get to do free laundry at my cousin Ben's house. I really am so lucky. Who cares if I don't understand poetry as long as I don't have to pay $5.00 in quarters to do my laundry.